I have learned that, we as a society, set expectations for everything in life. From relationships to events, how we are going to look at a specific point in time, how our day is going to go, how successful we will be, even how our children will turn out. For the most part, setting expectations is healthy, it is when we set expectations too high or not high enough that we get into trouble. A lot of the time I have to sit back and think, "was I unrealistic in setting this expectation too high?" I guess I expect too much of people/things too often. As my age has grown in numbers, I have realized that I have shifted from setting high expectations for myself to now setting them for how I expect others will be with me. I guess that is part of getting older, having more responsibility, etc, etc. The lesson I am still learning in life is how to deal with the disappointment one feels when that idea/expectation/hope does not live up to the hype. I have always been a firm believer in being yourself and treating others how you want to be treated. I guess expecting others to be the same way is unrealistic. I have never understood the reasoning behind trying to "look" good to others, impressing others, trying to out do each other, gaining approval, etc. Does that mean that I never do that...no. It is human nature to want these things at some level. However, it is unhealthy to make your life about what others think of you. Here is my example....I hear all the time from so many people, "ugh I hate bathing suit season, and I am not going anywhere where people can see me in one." (let me preface that I loathe bathing suit season.) My response to that is...everyone has flaws, things they wish they could improve on, cellulite, more "extra" than they want, etc. But, I am not...let me repeat....NOT going to let what other shallow people view me as take away my love of the beach, swimming, etc. So, when you set such a low expectation of confidence, you begin to miss out on things you love.
I would like to say I define myself by the great people I surround myself with. Yes, even the ones that disappoint me by not living up to my expectations. What hurts is when someone I love misses the mark I set for them. Maybe they disappoint me by not going to lunch with me, maybe they disappoint me by not calling, misjudging a situation, etc. Even worse is when the hurt me when I have no expectations for them at all. At some point you have to decide at what level of expectation is realistic, and once you decide that, at what point does that person/thing become unacceptable/damaging to your life. And, that my friends, is the hard part.
I am fortunate to have a husband that listens to me, helps bring me to reality when I have floated off into space, supports and encourages me, and wipes my tears when my expectations have not been met, even if he is the one that missed the mark. I can deal with unmet expectations with him, because I can talk to him. That is harder to do with family, friends, things, situations, etc. Maybe you say I wear my feelings on my sleeve....well, maybe sometimes I do, but doesn't everybody at some point? The biggest lesson I need to learn is being able to disconnect from those that are harmful and those that are not. We as a society, need to learn to be more open, honest, selfless, and caring. Until then, I guess in moments like this, I should just pour a glass of wine, sit in a warm tub, and dream of being at the ocean. Because, after all, the ocean has never disappointed me. :)
